Maroon machine smoothie

Maroon machine smoothie

I really wanted to call this purple drank, but I didn't. I didn't even know what it was - I just heard it somewhere and thought it sounded cool - until Thom informed me that it's actually prescription strength cough medicine mixed with soda and jolly rancher candy. And then I decided calling it purple drank might not be a good idea. I don't want you guys to think I'm downing cough syrup cocktails to get better. Because I'm not. But I am getting better! Just not by downing copious amounts of cough syrup.

I don't know if you're aware, but people with lousy colons aren't supposed to take antibiotics. So I've been attempting to rid my body of the bacteria with a shit ton of vegetables, probiotics and running. Five days in and I'm starting to feel a bit better. Better than I should, according to my doctor. All thanks, in part, to this smoothie. 2x a day. But I've got to warn you - it's vegetable heavy and smells like death, but, surprisingly, tastes delicious. And don't be alarmed when your excrement comes out with a red tint. It's not blood. Just the beets. Beets have a tendency to discolor things. Like poop.


1 beet, peeled and sliced
2 carrots, peeled
2 celery stalks
15-20 spinach leaves
1/4 cup chopped cabbage
1/2 cup alfalfa sprouts
1 banana, peeled
1/4 cup fresh blueberries
1 tsp fresh ginger, peeled
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 cup filtered water

In a high speed blender, such as a Vitamix, blend all ingredients until smooth; about 45-60 seconds. You can either strain the pulp and drink the juice, or drink the smoothie as is. I prefer to keep the pulp, as it's loaded with vitamins and will aid in sweeping your innards. But it's completely up to you.

Yield: 2 cups


  1. I don't think I will ever be able to eat sprouts, but I think it would be perfect for me without them. Help me kick these sniffles early.

  2. Smells of death? Sold! ha. Glad to hear that you are feeling better! ...and that you are still eating your waffles :) xo

  3. Ahh, so that's what purple drank is. I've always kinda wondered. Good job on avoiding the antibiotics though, apparently they destroy all the happy flora in your digestive system or something? I don't really know, I just know they're bad news.

  4. I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better! I can't have raw beets, but I'd love to try the rest of the ingredients in this yummy, smell smoothie. Something tells me it's the cabbage that's stinky.. ;)

  5. Welp, I just caught a nasty virus, so I may be giving this a go! Drinking beets kinda freaks me out, but if it will make be better, I will definitely drink up! Thanks for the recipe!

  6. Haha! I think it's pronounced dzzzrrraaaaank. Sounds great tho. I love that there are alfalfa sprouts in here; I always mean to do that since they good bad so quickly. Feel better.

  7. i love that color. yeah the colored excrement scared hubbs to death when we started eating beet.. hope you are feeling better!